Discover how limiting beliefs are formed and how to heal them through mindfulness, emotional awareness, and reframing. Exploring insights from Tara Brach, Byron Katie, James Hollis, and more.
Introduction: The Stories That Shape Us
Limiting beliefs are like invisible scripts that quietly shape our choices, behaviors, and emotions. Often formed in childhood through family dynamics, intergenerational transmissions, or “learnings” or hidden directives from past generations, through painful or traumatic experiences, or from societal/cultural conditioning, these beliefs become the lens through which we see the world, others —and ourselves.
Understanding and healing these beliefs can help us live with more freedom, compassion, and authenticity. This blog explores a few ways in which limiting beliefs are formed, why they persist, and how we can begin to change them using practical tools and insights from respected voices in the field.
How Limiting Beliefs Are Formed
Childhood and Adaptation
From our earliest experiences, we begin making sense of the world. As children, we naturally try to interpret our surroundings to feel safe and connected. When life is confusing, painful, or inconsistent, we often form beliefs to help us cope.
Family Systems, Trauma, and the Unconscious Narrative
Family systems can have a powerful effect upon early messages. Whether spoken or unspoken, the beliefs passed down across generations often embed themselves silently in our psyche. These internalized narratives can be below the level of our conscious awareness, and as we grow, we live them out—often without realizing they are not our own.
James Hollis, a Jungian analyst, explores this theme in much of his work. He describes these internal narratives as “psychological hauntings”—unconscious beliefs and patterns inherited from childhood, family systems, or culture that operate behind the scenes of our adult lives.
🔍 Insight from James Hollis
“We are not who we think we are. We are, instead, who we have become in response to invisible inner narratives that were formed in our early years.”
Hollis reminds us that these stories—crafted in childhood—often remain unexamined well into adulthood. They serve a purpose at first: to protect us. But in time, they become outdated maps, keeping us stuck in cycles of fear, shame, or avoidance.
“The stories we make up to survive are not the same stories that will help us thrive.”
Healing begins when we ask: Is this story still true? Is it still serving me?
The Lens Through Which We See the World
Once a belief is formed, it becomes the lens through which we interpret our experiences.
Examples:
- “People can’t be trusted.”
- “I can’t trust others to support me”
- “I’m only lovable if I succeed.”
- “I’ll always be alone.”
These beliefs become self-reinforcing. We interpret events through them, find “evidence” to support them, and act in ways that unintentionally keep them alive.
Beliefs also have powerful physiological impacts. For example, researcher Kelly McGonigal’s work on stress shows how powerful belief can be. She found that if people believe stress is harmful, it negatively affects their health. But those who view stress as helpful actually experience more resilience. Our beliefs, quite literally, shape our bodies and lives.
Healing: A Path Toward Freedom
Healing limiting beliefs requires more than logic. It involves awareness, emotional courage, and compassionate inquiry. As Tara Brach teaches, healing begins by turning toward our pain—not to fix it, but to truly be with it. Her RAIN process is one of the most accessible, powerful tools for doing just that.
🌧 The RAIN Process: A Mindful Path to Healing
R — Recognize
Begin by noticing what’s happening inside you. Is there a painful emotion? A reactive thought or belief? A familiar narrative playing in your mind? Label it with gentle awareness.
A — Allow
Let the experience be there—without resisting, fixing, or pushing it away. Say inwardly, “This belongs,” or “Let me be with this.”
I — Investigate with Interest and Care
Ask with curiosity:
- What am I believing right now?
- Where do I feel it in my body?
- What does this part of me most need?
N — Nurture with Self-Compassion
Offer kindness and presence. This might be a soothing touch, a loving phrase, or visualizing support. Speak to yourself like someone you deeply care about.
“When compassion embraces the hurting parts of our being, the grip of the story loosens.” —Tara Brach
A Step-by-Step Framework for Healing Limiting Beliefs
RAIN dovetails beautifully with a broader belief-healing process drawn from inquiry-based and somatic approaches.
1. Recognize the Belief. Search for what David Richo calls the “trail head” belief:
Ask yourself:
- What story am I telling myself here?
- What belief about myself or others is operating?
Examples: “I’m not good enough.” “I’ll be abandoned.”
Is this familiar? If so, how far back does this belief go? To just like when?
2. Feel the Feelings
Underneath every belief is an emotional experience—often one that’s been avoided. As Peter Crone says: “We can’t heal what we’re unwilling to feel.”
Let the emotion rise. Feel it in your body. What tender, vulnerable feeling (s) is/are underneath? As Brené Brown reminds us that vulnerability is the pathway to healing.
3. Questioning the Belief
Using Byron Katie’s four questions,
- Is it true?
- Can I absolutely know it’s true?
- How do I react when I believe it?
- Who would I be without it?
This loosens certainty and opens new pathways of thought.
4. Be Curious and Track It Back
Ask:
- When have I felt this before?
- Is this feeling familiar?
- Just like when?
This is the inner child’s voice. Follow the emotion back to its origin. for example. maybe the belief “I don’t matter” arose when a parent was preoccupied or emotionally absent.
Ask:
What else could it have meant? Rather than the belief that I made up as a child? Are there alternate explanations now looking back with the eyes of an adult?
5. Reframe and Reparent
From your adult self, bring compassion to that younger part of you. A powerful question is:: “What do I need?”
Offering yourself tender support and compassion:
- “You did your best.”
- “Everything is going to be ok”
- “That wasn’t about your worth.”
- “I’m here with you”
- “You are lovable, even when others can’t show love.”
This is how healing becomes embodied—not just insight, but integration.
Practice, Community, and Compassion
Research particularly in the area of neuro-plasticity, highlights that healing requires repetition and practice. Taking time to be kind, curious and compassionate with ourselves rather than reacting to the old ‘script’ is a practice. Beliefs may resurface, especially during stress, and in the midst of emotional triggers, but having awareness, curiosity, and compassion, particularly self-compassion, are powerful tools for healing and transformation.
Community matters, too. Safe, attuned relationships offer the kind of mirroring that helps rewrite the old stories. Therapeutic work, group circles, or even heartfelt friendships can support this journey.
Final Thoughts: Becoming the Author of Your Life
Your beliefs are not facts. They are interpretations—stories written by younger versions of you doing their best to survive.
Now, you have the chance to re-author those stories.
Through presence, feeling, and reflection, you can meet your beliefs with love, not judgment. You can begin to write new ones—ones rooted in truth, connection, and possibility.
“The stories that imprison us lose their power when we bring them into the light of awareness.”
—Tara Brach
You don’t have to act crazy anymore—
We all know you were good at that,
Now retire, my dear,
From all that hard work you do
Of bringing pain to your sweet eyes and heart.
Look in a clear mountain mirror
See the beautiful ancient warrior
And the divine elements
You always carry inside
That infused this universe with sacred life
So long ago
—
📚 Suggested Resources for Deeper Exploration
- Tara Brach – Radical Compassion, “RAIN” meditation
- Byron Katie – Loving What Is
- James Hollis – Hauntings; Living an Examined Life, The Broken Mirror
- David Richo – Triggers, How to Be an Adult in Relationships
- Catherine & Duane O’Kane – REAL
- Peter Crone – Talks on YouTube & podcasts
- Kelly McGonigal – The Upside of Stress
- Brené Brown – The Gifts of Imperfection, Daring Greatly
